i always forget guys have bellybuttons
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Randomize
