Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
