Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
