alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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