Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
