Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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