When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
