It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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