Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
