i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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