HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
