so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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