Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The uberlube is also flammable
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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