My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
