so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
