Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
