you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
