brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
