Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
