my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
