My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize
