ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
