i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
