I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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