Dude my mom stole all your condoms
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
