Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
