he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
