Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
