if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
