I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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