I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
