So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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