Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
