walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
