and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
she peed on how many people?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
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