I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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