If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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