"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
