Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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