i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
