Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
