so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
