If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
