I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Randomize
