I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
