I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
