but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
