When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
