everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
