so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
