Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
